Jessica Druck

How your next girlfriend will be the same as your last

“Your next girlfriend won’t be exactly like your last. She will have a different laugh, different taste in clothes, a different favorite song, and maybe even like her eggs different, but there will be a few things you’ll notice about her that are similar to what your ex’s have done. Things you thought only Emily, Rebecca or Holly did. Things all women tend to do – even your mom or your sister – and that no matter what relationship you’re in, you will find the habits repeating themselves.

She too will present “what if” scenarios. What if she had no legs? …. READ THE REST @ BLOG WITH BENEFITS

2 weeks ago | 0 notes

My first date was the worst date

When I was 16 years old, I went on my first date. No, it wasn’t one of those Sandy Olsson loves Danny Zuko kind of dates where we meet and end up doting each other on a beach, and then later sing “tell me more, tell me more” on the bleachers at school to our friends, it sucked. It completely and utterly sucked.

You see, my first date ever was the worst date ever. I was the worst date ever.

I was going through puberty, I felt gross, I was shy around boys, and I felt insecure and was unsure of myself because what if someone found my copy of the Sabrina the Teenage Witch soundtrack and exposed me? And then there I was, going on a date with a dude I had a crush on who was a few years older than me. It was real precious teenage dream stuff.

Read the rest @ BWB

1 month ago | 2 notes

10 women you shouldn’t commit to

Hey boys, in an effort to rebuttal a recent post on six guys’ women shouldn’t commit to, I thought I’d “give back,” “pay it forward,” whatever you want to call it, to you fine upstanding gentlemen. Because it’s not like women don’t group types of men and embellish unfavorable character traits about them on a daily basis (BWB), right? So here are ten women you shouldn’t commit to:

1. Don’t commit to girls who just came out of a relationship; even though she says she’s ready to move on, she’s not. She’s heart broken, in most cases, and still thinks about the jerk on a daily basis. She also has his Facebook and Twitter feed on her favorites tab, and yes, she constantly compares you to him. Give her a six month grace period at least.

2. Try not to date women who are really into holistic healing because when a baseball nails you in the crotch and you need pain killers, she will be dancing around your dick with incense while chanting tribal superstitions instead of feeding you pain killers.

Read the other 8 on BWB: Blog with Benefits

1 month ago | 2 notes

Never trust a guy who…

New post! Never trust a guy who…

“Asks you out over a Twitter DM. Oh honey, no. Twitter is no place to make date plans and 140 characters is no way to get to know anyone. If he can’t figure out how to get your phone number or ask you out in real life (face-to-face), he’s no man you should trust.

Never trust a guy who tYpEs LyKe tHiS in emails, tweets or texts. Oh, and REALLY never trust him if he writes like that on paper. Gross. You’re going to regret that decision 4 lyfe.” read more at www.jessicadruck.com

1 month ago | 0 notes

Someone cares about you if:

New post on people who “care” but not really. http://www.jessicadruck.com/2012/03/someone-cares-about-you-if.html

(Source: jessicadruck.com)

2 months ago | 0 notes

The anti-Valentine’s Day guide:

This isn’t a guide for couples or lovers with crushes because honestly, why do you people need guides on how to survive Valentine’s Day? Greedy.

So if you’re alone, not working, don’t have class, or stuck babysitting your best friend’s cats/dog/fish/child while she/he is out with her gf/bf/wife/husband/mistress/craigslist encounter, here are ways to survive without wanting off yourself:

1. Get a glass and fill it with one part cranberry juice and three parts vodka. What? It will take your pain, err, neck pain away.

2. For the month of February, Time Warner is offering eight Ryan Gosling flicks on On Demand. So if you’re babysitting cats or something, order the movies and just tell the owner of the house you think her husband has a fetish if she asks.

READ THE REST AT: HELLO, MY NAME IS JESSICA

3 months ago | 1 note

Love story No. 2

“Having not had my number asked of me by any female for dating purposes since high school, I was very taken back by this most rare occurrence as it happened in the singles ward of my church; beautiful brown eyes drawing my fullest of attentions. I could hardly remember my own number. After giving it, I seriously wondered if I had said the correct sequence, I really should be stronger but women are indeed a force to be reckoned with.”

Read the rest @ Hello, my name is Jessica

3 months ago | 0 notes

Five reasons to be yourself:

“1. Don’t hide your quirks: the right person won’t care that you wear plaid pants with a striped shirt or that you stop and dance to “Thriller” in a Rite Aid. Why? Because they like you for you and your quirky weirdness. Stop pretending you have no desire to drop it like it’s hot out of the blue.” Read the rest at: Hello, my name is Jessica

4 months ago | Notes

If you’re trying to impress a lady friend who you also happen to be friends with on Facebook, you can kiss your chances goodbye if your activity shows up on her news feed. Just a friendly reminder boys.

Why you’re in the friend zone

“Two things can happen when it comes to the friend zone: you can put someone in the friend zone because you don’t want to see them naked or, you can be put in the friend zone because you’re a scaredy cat and afraid to make a move on someone you want to see naked.

This problem is a clear and present danger and if we don’t put an end to it, it’s going to be bigger than global warming. Okay, maybe not, but seriously, what if that happened?”

READ THE REST AT BLOG WITH BENEFITS

1 month ago | 0 notes

Do your friends opinions of who you date matter?

“Do your friends opinions really matter?

Hell fucking yeah they do.

How many times have your friends rolled their eyes when you mention your girlfriend who’s cheated on you twice? How many times do your friends listen in complete silence while you gush about your boyfriend who has a history of getting wasted and then drunk dialing his dentist, punching a bartender and getting a few numbers from sorority chicks before ending up in jail for the night?”

READ THE REST AT BWB: BLOG WITH BENEFITS

1 month ago | 1 note

Never trust a girl who:

Guys! Don’t trust girls like these: NEW POST!

2 months ago | 0 notes

How to cope after a breakup

To all my single ladies:

So you just broke up with your lovah and you’re just like totally, completely, miserable. You’re in the beginning stages of: “Sad,” “Missing,” “Wanting Him Back,” and “Anger,” and you just don’t know what to do. I got you babygirl, don’t worry.

So here’s what I want you to do when the unmentionable happens:

1. Clean up your social networks: this is a time for you to heal and continuing to dilute yourself with the past won’t allow you to do so. Either delete him or hide him from social networks (including, but not limited to: Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, Flickr, Google Plus, Friendster, MySpace, LiveJournal, Skype, EVERYTHING) because only two things can happen if you don’t: …. READ THE REST AT HELLO, MY NAME IS JESSICA

3 months ago | 0 notes

Six guys you don’t want to commit to:

So ladies, here’s a list of men you don’t really want to commit to, even though you think do because they have cute dimples or something:

1. The horny ladies man: This guy hits on everything with boobs; you already know this because he hit on you, right? He’s not good at committing because he’s still in that college, ya-ya-phase where girls are like toys and every time he sees a new one, he wants to put his grubby man-paws all over it. Take it from someone who saw someone she dated recently tweet “it’s so hard to pick up chicks on Twitter.” Yeah, about that. You don’t really want that type of guy on your resume.

READ THE REST @ HELLO, MY NAME IS JESSICA

3 months ago | 14 notes

Love story No. 1

It began with a few snowballs hitting my back and ended with the door hitting it instead.

On our first date, we decided to meet up outside her dorm before walking over to a nearby restaurant. Sweat was literally dripping off my hands when I saw how beautiful she looked in the distance. When we got a little closer to each other, we both began laughing because we were wearing almost identical outfits! Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t wearing a dress or anything, but the style and the colors were exactly the same, even down to the socks! That’s when I knew this girl was special.

read the rest @ Hello, my name is Jessica

3 months ago | 7 notes

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